Honor

At the top of my blog, I mention that I am a "caregiver". My 86 year old Grandma lives with us. She really doesn't require a huge amount of care. She is pretty darn self sufficient when I think about it. Mostly, the energy she has required of me since she moved in this past April was of the emotional/mental variety. There aren't alot of multi-generational homes around these days - at least not that involve my generation, which means I've had no examples of how to balance young family with my "old lady". We felt very strongly led to invite her to come live with us this past March, and she was here (from Ohio) by the middle of April. It all came about very, very quickly. We don't have any regrets. We knew there would be many challenges. I have been overwhelmed and stressed often. Very often. I have cried. I've snapped at my husband due to stress he wasn't the cause of in any way. I have worried that this might not be the best thing for Eli. I have questioned our decision - but only briefly.

I recently checked out a book at the library about care giving, published by Focus on the Family. I haven't read hardly any of it, and it was due back today (which means I'll be taking advantage of the library's one day grace period once again). The beginning of the book teaches alot about the need for the caregiver to take care of themselves. Yeah, yeah - I know. Just like mothers of young children (check) and nurses (check) are told to do all of the time. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. Thanks to my very supportive and tuned-into-me husband, that happens in our home. I am so grateful. A little later in this book though, I got to a paragraph that really impacted me. It was about honor. It was just what I needed to read. God tells us to honor our parents. Not, "honor your parents if it's convenient/if they are perfect/if it is easy/ if they are appreciative/if they are sweet". Just like the saying, "love is a verb" - it's an action you choose, not based on emotions you feel - honor is something I am to do just because it pleases God. I spent a couple of days meditating on this and praying about it. I decided to stop complaining about a ministry that God clearly led us into. I decided to start honoring my Grandma - who I love very, very much - and I'm so grateful to the years of service she dedicated to me, my sisters, and cousins. How tragic would it be if we invited her to come be a part of our home, and then I spend the entire length of our time with her talking ugly, cracking jokes, and rolling my eyes about things that she said and did? I knew all about her idiosyncrasies before we asked her to come live with us. There were no surprises. Maybe some things are a little harder to live with than I imagined, but still, no surprises. My ugly attitude was really a poor coping mechanism to deal with the stress of lifestyle change my precious family was undergoing. I have such a peace now, and I am so very grateful that I checked out that book. I didn't get far at all, but I read exactly the part I needed to.

Oddly enough, the last week and a half or so - exactly since I spent some time dwelling on "honor", Grandma has been so sweet, understanding, and pleasant. Sure, there are still a few typical Grandma-isms every now and then. But wow - what a sweet week and a half it has been. I actually went downstairs tonight for about an hour - just to hang out with her. We talked and enjoyed each other's company. I am very thankful for the lesson I am learning about honor, and pray that I will learn it thoroughly and live it daily. God blessed me with a Grandma who showed me the best love she could when I was vulnerable and in need as a child. What a blessing to have a husband who has given me the opportunity to return that show of love to her in her time of vulnerability! How could I possibly squander this opportunity to serve Father by serving her? This should be the easiest ministry of my lifetime - giving back to someone who so freely gave to me. Thank you, God, for intervening in your perfect timing. Thank you for stopping me before I hit rock bottom. Thank you for gently teaching me this lesson. Please continue to deepen my understanding of honor, and show me ways to practice this commandment.

girlfriends

it is so amazing to be surrounded by supportive, loving women in my life. i had the sweetest baby shower today, which i admit i had a hard time getting geared up for mentally. i felt guilty having a shower for a second baby, and well, it's always hard for me to be the center of attention. but, it was so, so nice to sit and have a roomful of some of the dearest women i know share in the excitement of the new baby God is blessing us with. it is sooooo different the second time around . . . when pregnant with eli, i spent tons of time getting things ready, and right now i guess i feel kind of behind in that department. i spent far more time planning every little thing about his room, and picking out just the right things he would need. of course, i didn't have anything baby related at that time, and now really, i just mostly need to pull things out of the attic and wash them. i'm sure that contributes to my relaxed mentality. so today, it was just great to open all the treasures friends and family had gathered and brought to me to use for our sweet aaron. it was nice to concentrate just on aaron for a little while. it seemed like this shower was so early - at 25 weeks - compared to eli's shower - at 35 weeks - but really it was perfectly timed. as always, God knows what He is doing! i needed this shower to be today - to make me aware of the excitement that i have, and motivate me to get things ready. i imagine i'll be organizing some things tomorrow - getting ready to transition the eli's room from just sleeping room to also being his playroom . . . and turning the playroom into a nursery! move some things around, pick out colors and paint, and get those precious baby boy things out of the attic to wash and organize! so, i'm grateful to have girlfriends that made this shower happen - that didn't let me say no. i'm grateful that due to the hectic holiday season, they thought it best to have this shower early. i'm just plain grateful.

too relaxed?

i'm wondering if i might be feeling too relaxed in general - not stressed enough to be motivated to get things done before aaron gets here. i have a long list of things i'd like to accomplish in both eli and aaron's rooms before our wee one arrives, and i've done, well, almost nothing. and the holidays are nearly here. and after the holidays, well, i have one month before everything really needs to be done, just in case aaron decides 37 weeks inside of mama is long enough - like his big brother did. maybe it's because aaron is baby #2, and i know that setting up the nursery is really not necessarily a need. sure, i need to have the littlest clothes out of the attic and washed and have some diapers and wipes on hand. but well, that's really all i NEED. the rest is strictly for my aesthetic pleasure. maybe that is it - i see it as something for me, so i've shoved it to the bottom of my to do list! that sounds pretty much like me these days! i may have just found the motivation i needed - how therapeutic is my blog?