wading ever deeper

trusting Jesus to show me the way as i navigate the waters of being a loving wife, mama, & caregiver.







Friday, October 24, 2008

So much better!

It's amazing what a little bit of time (less than 3 hours) away from my normal routine does for my spirit. Don't get me wrong. I love my life. I love my Eli's sweet voice as he chatters to me all day - even when he calls, "Mama" 5 times in less than 90 seconds. I love rattling around in our house with every one here - Eli, Ritchie, and Grandma - and yes, even the dog I can't seem to bond to as much as I'd like. And about 80% of the time, we are all here. It's a bit unconventional, but it works for us amazingly well. But sometimes, I just need to be either alone or away. To get lost in thought, without anybody making any requests of me for longer than 5 minutes at a time.

So, the blues set in yesterday - and my intuitive mate picked up on them right away. He asked what was wrong, which prompted me to figure out just what was wrong. As always, he understood, and quickly encouraged me to plan an escape. It helps so much just to know he understands me, doesn't take offense to me needing my space now and then, and then makes me get off of my butt and do something about the situation.

I laid out my clothes last night, and set my alarm for 7:30. I woke up at 6:40 because I was so excited about my little time away. I laid in bed and tried to figure out if any place I would want to go would be open at 7. I kept drawing blanks, so I laid in bed until about 7:20. I was out the door by 7:45. Just moments after our sweet boy climbed in bed with Daddy. I was hoping Eli would sleep in until 8:30 or so, so that Ritchie would get to as well. I always feel guilty when Ritchie has taken over morning duty for me and Eli gets up earlier than usual. I offered to stay home for a little while longer, but Ritchie shooed me out the door. I'm glad.

I went to Chick-fil-A for breakfast. It was pouring down rain, but I went inside instead of waiting in the drive-thru line. My time was too precious to squander, and besides, I could run in and out by myself with such ease! I would never want to be misunderstood - I adore having my little sidekick with me. I treasure that he loves to run errands with me, and is so darn easy going most of the time. I treasure it so much that I feel like a nut for ever "needing" time out and about alone or with just Ritchie. But that need remains, in spite of my overwhelming love for Eli and his companionship.

After CFA was Target. That was pretty pleasant, for sure. I couldn't find what I needed for Eli's costume, which was a minor flaw in my little field trip, but that was ok. I went on to Micheal's, and then to K-Mart before heading home.

I was home at 10:15. I have felt calm and centered all day. More patient with Grandma. I've smiled inside and out all day long. Everything has felt just a little sweeter. Eli and I ran errands together tonight, and found the rest of the dog costume components.

On top of all of that, today was a big day for all of us. Ritchie and I had a little surprise party for Eli today . . . a "No more diapers for Eli" party! We had cake, special plates and napkins, a decorated chair for the guest of honor, big boy underwear hanging from the dining room chandelier, and even presents! After the party, we sent Eli off to go potty. He washed his hands with his new soap, put on a pair of underwear, and announced, "No more diapers for Eli!". He got an M & M every time he went potty today. I asked him if he wanted me to set the timer for him to remind him to go, or if wanted to remember on his own. He said he wanted to do it on his own. About an hour after he went potty the first time, he said, "I think I can go make some pee pee now", and off he went to the bathroom. He did that again an hour later - stopping in the middle of playing with play-doh. Then Savannah came over to play for a little while. I encouraged a couple of potty breaks. He would deny the need to go, but Savannah would jump in and say, "Let's go tee-tee" together, Eli!" and off they would go. I wanted to break down and put a pull up on him while we ran errands, but kept myself in check. He did great. I asked him after we had been out for a while if he needed to go, and he said yes. So we found the restroom in Ross. He wanted to back out after we got in there, and I didn't blame him. It wasn't the cleanest of facilities! But, he went. I gave him 2 pieces of candy when we got home for that one. It was a 100% successful day. Before his bath, he took off the same pair of underwear he had started in. So, I'm left to wonder . . . should we have thrown a party a year ago, or is he just finally ready? Guess I'll never know. That's okay. I think we are finally there. With plenty of time to get this completely down before Aaron gets here, I hope! I would love to avoid any potty habit regression this Spring!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Just one of Those days

It's just been one of THOSE days - and at first I didn't know why, but by the end I had it figured out. Things started out nicely - Ritchie got up before me, so I got to sleep in until about 9, which is such luxury for a mom. Eli was very sweet this morning. I had an appointment at the chiropractor, which always makes me feel better. I was just in a funk. I was sleepy, and Grandma was being a little more negative than ususal. But, I went to bed in such a good place last night (emotionally) - after going on a date with Ritchie and seeing the movie, "Fireproof", as well as finding out that an old friend is pregnant after 9 years of trying - I was feeling so grateful for so many things - . . . I couldn't help but wonder if it wasn't just an attack on my spirit - the devil didn't like my heart feeling so full of the Spirit. After all, there is something to the "if mama ain't happy . . ." saying - picking on me is a great way to attack the whole family. So, I felt under attack all day. Eli's chatter, which I usually find precious, was getting on my nerves. And then it went beyond that - he was far more defiant than usual - enough to make Ritchie and I both wonder if he was getting sick. There were a few moments when I thought I was going to snap because I was so tense. But then, Eli and Grandma were tucked in for the night, and I was able to spend a couple of hours with Ritchie. We were working on photography stuff, but that rarely feels too much like work. I just enjoy sitting next to him. It calms me. It probably helped that the room was dark and the house was quiet, but it mostly just had to do with spending time with him. I feel peaceful now, and able to look forward to tomorrow, which is full of festivities. Thank you, God, for creating this man to be my husband. He nurtures my soul with his presence. Thank you, too, for providing the strength to not let the enemy get the best of me today. He got close, but I don't think he ever won.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

juggling

sometimes i feel like a juggling clown in the circus of life! it seems there is a never ending list of things to do, and for every one thing i get to cross off my list, it seems like three more pop up. but you know, i just can't complain. i love my life. i wish certain areas were balanced a little differently, but i'll take this season of life for what it is, and do my best to keep my priorities as God wants them to be. i'm madly in love with my husband, who just gets more handsome every single day. we have the MOST adorable, precious, heart-warming 3 1/2 year old son ever, and i can feel our newest addition moving around inside of me more every day. i love being pregnant, i love being a mom, and i love being ritchie's wife. we are healthy and together - thank you, Father!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

oh, my aching feet!

what a fun-filled day i have had - ritchie, eli, and i spent the day with our friend (and ritchie's fellow photographer) kim. we spent the entire day somewhere i have wanted to go for years - scott's antique market. the place is unbelievably huge - two very large buildings, plus more stuff than the average sized flea market outside as well. i wouldn't want to go in july, because the outside portion was my favorite, and i probably wouldn't have been able to enjoy it near as much if it had been warmer!

our day started off with us running late, which neither ritchie nor i can stand. but, the power evidently flashed off for a second between 5 and 7 this morning, which meant our alarms didn't go off. we finally got out the door, and after taking a brief detour through the country on the way to kim's house, we were finally able to pick up kim and make it to our destination. kim was searching for something, but nothing in particular, and it evaded her all day long. thankfully, she was able to enjoy the experience in and of itself though. ritchie was on the prowl for "THE" chair. we've had a particular chair in mind for photography use for months, and knew we would recognize it when we saw it. i just wanted a simple hook to hang my towel on in the bathroom. we searched inside and out at the first building. everything seemed out of our budget (or came in an un-needed set, forcing it out of our budget), or was just not quite right, as far as the chairs go. while i couldn't find my hook, i did find some cool old doorknobs that i thought might do the trick. but i passed them over. we ate lunch, then we headed out to the truck to drive to the second building. outside building #1, we found a pair of great chairs - just what we were looking for! they were very pretty, and $500 for the pair. we really didn't have $500 to spend. the dealer wouldn't split them up. i was bummed. we tore ourselves away, hoping that if we couldn't find anything else they would still be available.

we moved on to the second building. the outside section was much larger, and looked like a place i could spend hours. eli started nodding off in his stroller (an umbrella stroller at that) and ended up napping for a couple of hours - he even slept while i bounced him along on the gravel paths! just as we were nearly finished with the outside section, ritchie found "THE" chair. it was the right size, style, and price. we looked and looked at it. we looked at the one that was very similar at the same booth. we were trying not to be hasty, so we decided to look through the inside of the building in case there was something better. we looked. we found alot of chairs, but nothing nearly as perfect. we went back to get "THE" chair, and happily paid for it. plus, at the same booth i found my hook!

so now, we are home. we were gone for nearly 12 hours. we probably walked for 6. my feet are killing me, in spite of my always reliable doc marten's that have seen me through three trips to europe. eli was the best behaved, happiest, most agreeable 3 year old ever. i really should be even more pleased with him than i am - he totally has me spoiled, and my expectations of him are probably higher than they should be at times. he has exceptional self-control for a child so young, and even though he is normally a whirlwind of energy, when asked to sit for 98% of the day, he does exceptionally well.

so anyway, it was a darn great day. i always enjoy a day with my boys, but having kim with us was the icing on the cake. it was fun to get to know her better, and excellent to have a fellow browser with me - not to knock ritchie's "scanning" style of shopping, but i really enjoyed going slow!

now, i will prop up my feet, enjoy a cup of hot tea, and get ready to go to bed a little earlier than usual. and hope that eli sleeps in late in the morning!

why?

i wondered out loud a few minutes ago why i was adding yet another potential online addiction to my list of time and mind-sucking pursuits. ritchie said he had just thought something along the same lines . . .

i love keeping a journal, but feel like it is too hard to keep a hand-written journal these days. somehow, it's easier to be interrupted and then pick up where i left off when typing. writing is such a great outlet, and i can keep this as (fairly) private as i like - as opposed to something like the notes section of facebook, which i feel as though everyone i have ever briefly known has access to.

i am convinced this is the best part of my life - the part i will always look back at and recognize as the sweetest. i may be wrong, but just in case i'm right, i want to record it for myself and my family.